Saturday, October 11, 2003
She Done Dared
Best. Cartoon. Ever. I want that made into several stickers, and I want to put one on my car, but of course it could only be seen in parking lots, unless someone is tailgating me. Oh, wait, that's what rednecks do.
I'm sure someone wrote into Daily Press' feedback and complained about how offended they were about that comic. You know why? Because they were the ones the lady in the comic was trying to keep away in her yard. (that was lame, I know)
posted by Connie Vandelay at 11:43 AM
Friday, October 10, 2003
Get Old Tests, And Talk To "Old" Students
Everyone remembers the VH1 show "Pop Up Video", and everyone knows why it went downhill in three years because VH1 popped up everything, and everyone did imatations to it, etc...well, even after all these years, whenever I hear a song that I heard for the first time on Pop Up Video, during a certian line I always think about what was "popped" at that moment in the video. For example, in Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney's "Say Say Say" when Paul says:
"Now, go, go go..."
I always get this image in my head of the pop up video bubble and something about The Go-Go's on it. Like the year they broke up I think.
Another thing that killed that show was that they popped up every single new video on VH1. I liked it better when they popped up more obscure videos. The show totally Jumped The Shark for me when they popped up one of their Diva's concerts.
Now that I think about it, Office Space didhave a lot of goofs in it...
posted by Connie Vandelay at 3:38 PM
Thursday, October 09, 2003
I get a lot of wrong number phone calls on my cell phone, and I think I'm going to start answering my phone in my corniest, white-ist voice:
posted by Connie Vandelay at 3:04 PM
When I was on the ferry coming home earlier this evening, there was these two men who walked by, and one of them said (I swear to you) 1...2...3...:
"I went to the bathroom I sat down and started shitting, and...."
and I didn't hear the rest of the conversation. I have no clue what the story was about, or why he had to bring up the fact that he was going to the restroom. I wanted to pull a Lewis Black (in his famous comedy bit about 'if it wasn't for my horse, I wouldn't have gotten into college"--it was something like that. I probably didn't get it right knowing me.) and say "why...why...why did you say that?" I thought it was really crass when I heard it on the ferry, but now I keep on giggling about it. Which means only one thing, I'm an immature bastard. Wait, and the thing that kills me about the whole thing is when the guy said "shitting"he put his hands around his body and stooped down as if he...well you know.
If someone is readng this for the first time, I am not an immature person who writes about poop jokes all the time, I swear.
posted by Connie Vandelay at 1:35 AM
Just Go Up To Him And Say "Robot Roll Call!"
Brandon and I went to Starbucks after English class today. He was driving, and we cut off someone which scared the hell out of me. I explained to him about my anxiety problem and how road rage is one of my biggest fears. When we got there, it took him about five minutes to decide what he wanted (Tazo tea), and we sat in the nice, comfy hairs.("these are the chairs!") and I told him that at my house none of the chairs are really that comfortable because everything is victorian reproductions,and he gave me this look like he sympathize with me. Somewhere in the conversation we had I told him how I always bring a camera with me everywhere, and he said that I should be a photographer, and I told him that I took photography in high school and I didn't like it, and that we had to watch these cheesy early 90's Canadian videos sponsored by Kodak, and he asked if they were like sex ed films, and I said no, and then for some reason, we started to talk about sex. ed. classes , and I said that the guys got to watch more videos, and that the girls at my middle school were envious that the guys got to see the video about masturbation, and we didn't. Thank god nobody was in there (expect for the baristas) because we got pretty loud talking about that subject. (shaaaammmee....)
We also brought up how one of the guys in our English class looks like Mike Nelson from Mystery Science Theater 3000. I said "we should ask them where his robot friends are".
posted by Connie Vandelay at 12:02 AM
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
This Sad Oboe Music...
Brandon's reactions to Ashley's study guide for history:
Sophies...followers of Sophie!
It's the dark age! It's when the lights went out!
Plato! Inventor of modeling clay!
Assyrian Empire? Yeah, they were buttholes!
Homer? The one with the donuts?
The Good Emperors? The best band ever!
Edict of Milan? That was when they had to decide on a new chocolate!
Ok, maybe to most people reading this it sounds pretty lame, but Ashley and I got a huge kick out of it since we were so tired of studying for the history test that none of us probably did well on. When we had to indentify some of the names on the study gude, all of the ones Brandon made jokes about were the ones we had to do short answers on! I was very tempted to put one of Brandon's replies on the test, but I didn't have the balls to. Professor Biank is the kind of guy who eats nails for breakfast. He never laughs at anything.
Speaking of history class, as I walked out of the building, I got my "failure" music in my head (Radiohead's "Life in a glasshouse" -- I hope I got the title right) as I quietly walked to my car.
posted by Connie Vandelay at 5:32 PM
Monday, October 06, 2003
Is is wrong that that turns me on?
Yes...I got the Stop Smiling Magazine today. I'll try to scan some more in tomorrow or Wednesday after I get home from classes.
I was with this girl in my psy. class before class today, and this woman walked by who is in our class, and right after she walked by, the girl who I was talking to whispered to me:
posted by Connie Vandelay at 9:30 PM
Sunday, October 05, 2003
I'm A Blanket! You Sure Are..
I made a transcript of a Conan bit from earlier this year on Thursday, I believe:
Conan: Why talk about the special? Let's talk to the man himself, please welcome, Michael Jackson!
Conan: Welcome, Michael
Michael:Don't welcome me!
Michael : I am so livid!
Conan: You sound pretty upset, Michael.
Michael : MMM-HMM! That's right, Conan! I'm a seething caldron of rage and testerone! I'm so mad I want to pick something up and dangle it from a balcony!
Conan: Okay...you really are mad aren't you?
Michael:I'm so livid. I could dangle a while preschool!
Conan: So, Michael, that's pretty mad for you.
Michael:Can I ask you one thing?
Michael:Can I buy that painting of you?
[I believe a few minutes earlier here was a sketch involving a "naked" painting of Conan]
Conan: No, I don't want you to have that painting of me. No!
Michael:I am so mad!
Conan: No! So, you're upset about the show last night?
Michael:That's right, Conan! They betrayed me. They're devilish!
Conan: Yes, they're very devilish. But you let this man interview you for eight months.
Michael:I agreed to that interview, but I never agreed to let people watch it.
Conan: Ok, uh...
Michael:I'm so mad...I got a big can of whoop-ass!
Conan: That's true. You do.
Michael:It's in my pants, Conan!
Conan: Ok, I didn't want to know where it's at. You leave that whoop-ass right where it is. Now, Michael, I have to ask you a few questions about some of the things you said. You actually called...
Michael : MMM-HMM!
Conan: Are you going to do that the entire time I ask you a question?
Conan: Okay...you uh...
Conan: Actually said in your special that you call your youngest child blanket? That's a little odd.
Michael:Oh, please. So ignorant. Blanket is an ancient word that means blessing. You didn't know that?
Conan: I'm sorry, I didn't mean...
Michael:And I have a new daughter on the way, and I'm going to call her Dust Ruffle?
Conan: You're going to call her Dust Ruffle? What does that mean?
Michael : It means that I'm insane.
Conan: Ok, so, but Michael, you're admitting you're insane?
Michael:Oh, please! You say that there's an ancient word that means blanket.
Michael:I'm a blanket! MMM-HMM!
Conan: What about your plastic surgery?
Conan: You actually claim that the only plastic surgery you've had was on your nose.
Michael: Conan, oh please! Conan, that's such ignorance.
Conan: What?! You said that the only place you've had it is on your nose.
Michael: 'Nose' is an ancient word that means 'everything above the knees'!
Michael: And two is an ancient number that means 6,572!
Conan: That's great, Michael.
Michael: And sleeping with Macuauly Culkin is an ancient phrase ----
Conan: Ok, that's fine, thank you...
posted by Connie Vandelay at 7:53 PM