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Airdate: March, 2000

With Jon Stewart and Vance DeGeneres

Jon:
Yesterday's late-night TV appearances by the leading GOP candidates was just one way today's politicians are trying to appear...human to voters. For more on this, we now go to Daily Show Chief Senior Political Analyst, Ellen's Brother (Ellen DeGeneres was a guest on the show that night). Vance, what do you have for us?

Vance:
Well, Jon, the candidates have made themselves more accessible than ever this election year. The Associated Press recently asked each one a series of revealing questions to help voters understand the person behind the candidate. Here's some of the findings as printed in today's New York Daily News. 
Beginning with: 'What are some of the candidates favorite junk foods?' Well, Bush said he favors popcorn. Gore favors cookies and brownies, while John McCain likes donuts. I don't need to tell you, these are make or break sweets . 
Now next, 'What your first car?'. Well, Bush had a Triumph, interestingly, not American, Al Gore had a Honda Superhawk 325 Motorcycle, interestingly, not a car, and Bradley had a Plymouth two door Fury, allegedly with a bumper sticker that said, 'my other car is a Plymouth four door Fury'. 
Now here's another : 'What is your worst habit?' Well, John McCain is a coffee drinker, and if you think that's bad, Gore has a yin for junk food. While Bush says his habit is impatience - and crack.

Jon:
Woah! Vance, I don't think he said crack.

Vance:
Well, Jon, perhaps lying is his other worst habit. Finally, they were asked what they would want if stuck on a desert island. Well, Gore said books, good choice. Bush said books and a bible - he's an idiot. McCain said he's like a nice, shady, wide-brimmed hat along with five days rations, high impact Kevlar body armor, deluxe urine filter, military-issued modified M16 with laser-assisted night-vision scope, three cyanide pills concealed in a hallowed-out molar, and a defense parameter of poison-tipped spear pits. Oh, and Steve Wonder's Inner Visions.





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