July 17, 2000: Jon Stewart, Vance DeGeneres, Mo Rocca, Steve Carell, and Miriam Tolan.
For a more in-depth analysis of
this verdict (and ass) we turn to our Daily Show Legal Dream Team, and the stars
of our hit legal spin-off 'evidence of proof: live' Vance DeGeneres, Mo Rocca,
Steve Carell, and Miriam Tolan. Now, Vance, I'd like to start off this topic
with you: who came out on top in this verdict?
Well, Jon, I'm going to spare you the legal-ease (sp?) the real winner here is the party of the first part here to fore referred to as the American People.
So, in your mind, big tobacco has done irreplaceable damage?
Vance, you know that ipsofacto is Latin for 'the thing iself'
I...thought it meant 'talk to the hand'
Alright. Mo, your thoughts.
Well, Jon, I somewhat agree with Vance, but let me cut though his "mumbo-jumbo" with an analogy. Let's say you, Jon, invited big tobacco over to your house for dinner. Afterwards, you gathered around a terrific antique cherry wood dining room table, drop leaf with authentic shaker chairs for a good old fashioned game of $145 billion dollar verdict, and at the end of the game, the American People win.
Mo, doesn't the enormous damage penalty means that they can easily reverse this decision on appeal.
I can almost see that dining room.
Jon, if I may interrupt for a minute?
Yes, go ahead, Steve.
I think I can cut though Vance and Mo's legal gobbely-gook with a graph.
Well, its about time, Steve. Let's take a look at the graph.
I uh...was supposed to bring it? Shoot. Alright, well to summurize what it said, there was a red bar which indicated losing, that was the big tobacco column which I decorated with some Imac clip art of a man smoking. I must say, it was a nice touch. Next to this was a blue bar indicating winning, and on that in large black crayon letters, I wrote "The American People". I feel confident that had it been here, it would of helped me make this issue clear to you.
Thank you, Steve, uh...Miriam, your thoughts.
Well, Jon, first off Vance and Mo have spent the better part of the day drinking (Vance and Mo look away), and secondly, Steve has no graph. I made up a graph, and Steve asked to borrow it, and left it on the bus. Therefore, I have no presentation. So, the real loser are big tobacco, and as always, Steve Carell.
Thank you very much guys, that was excellent...well, it was work.
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