With Jon Stewart and Mo Rocca
As you probably know, yesterday was Columbus Day. (crowd goes 'woo!') or you may not, as you probably know yesterday was Easter. [No,] Yesterday was Columbus day, and our own historian Mo Rocca is here to tell us what we all know is a special day.
We all grew up celebrating Columbus Day in all the traditional ways. But you know Columbus day isn't just about crabcakes and piggy back rides, you remember those Jon?
No, I don't --
Me too. Well, Columbus Day is about history, and history isn't about what happened then, its about us remembering it now. That's why I decided to celebrate Columbus Day by retracing his footsteps.
(cut to a clip of Mo 'washing up' on the shore)
The year was 1492, when Columbus completed his very dangerous voyage across the Atlantic, out there (pointing toward the ocean) if you look out there a little bit, its clear that you can see Spain. These shells were all here (pointing at ground) these foot prints, lots of food prints, those were Columbus' footprints. That hotel was not there.
(going out to the parking lot)
This fence was no the original fence Columbus climbed over. This is the way that Columbus went out because that's the parking lot exit. So, let's go.
(cut to Mo walking down street in New York)
So, Columbus moved north up Columbus Avenue, no relation, and uh...then he turned right at this Chinese Restaurant.
Ok...Mo, I'm terribly sorry to do this, I think I have to question the accuracy of your report. Columbus Avenue is named after Columbs, he didn't walk up it because it sounded like his name, and truthfully I don't think Columbus discovered America. There were already other explorers who had done it.
Indeed, Jon, if you had let me finish, you would of heard the story about the plight of the first people to discover America:
But the Spanish wasn't the first people here. 1,000 years ago the Vikings who came from Scandinavia discovered America. Then led by fearless warrior and teen heartthrob Leif Garrett. Five hundred years later, the Spanish claimed it as their own, and the defenseless Vikings were herded into reservations (cut to tape of Mo walking across a parking lot) like this one over here (points to an IKEA)
Alright, Mo, I gotta stop you here. I grant you that the Vikings were in the area before Columbus did, but they weren't herded into furniture stores, and further more, the Vikings were not the first people in America either!
Jon, as someone who's doctrine thesis was entitled 'The Vikings Were Not The First People In America. By Mo Rocca' (holds up report in which he got a C or a D on it and 'see me!' written on it) I can assure you that I was getting to that. Now I had a chance to speak to a representative of the Indeginious population you're referring to:
(Mo is at an Indian restaurant)
Mo to waiter:
So you don't have a problem with Columbus Day?
Uh ... No, I don't.
I hope this has cleared things up for you.
Mo, I was referring to the American Indians, not...
American Indians, Jon? I believe they prefer to be called Native Americans. They're comprised of a broad panel of 500 unique cultures that began migrating across the Brankini Landridge over eight millennia ago. Their dissmation by the hands of the colonialists remains one of the darkest chapters in American history, Jon.
That's a very relevant point, why didn't you include that in your piece?
Well, I didn't have time. I was up all night waiting for the Columbus day bunny to come down my chimney and light fireworks in my pumpkin.
There's so much wrong with that.
Oh! I forgot, you're Jewish. I'm sorry, I totally forgot. You don't celebrate Columbus day, right? I'm sorry...
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