February 5, 2004
With Ed Helms, Stephen Colbert, and Jon Stewart
Well, for once the media got it right. The hours of coverage, the hand wringing, the finger pointing; the whatever wrists do. This outrage deserves to be talked about. That halftime show should have never been seen on television! Let's take a look!
(shows a clip of the wardrobe mishap incident, the blurred Janet Jackson boob and everything - from now on this will be called "boob clip")
What about the children? It's outrageous!
Wrong, Ed! This is not an outrage, its the outrage that the media hasn't shown this enough! Ed, this February half time show was a travesty. The events of 2-1 changed everything. We need to be reminded of this travesty at all times, preferably in a small box in the corner of the screen. Can we get that, Chuck? (in Stephen's Corner is a small box with the boob clip playing on a loop) Okay...that will keep us vigilant. We've only got one more year until the next halftime show, and this will remind all performers there is a price for your misbehavior, and that price will be constant exposure across all forms of media. Can we see that again in full frame? (shows boob clip in full frame) Oh yeah, that's going to show them. Next time ... we'll be ready.
But the media's first responsibility is education. Now I was watching the game with my two young boys, Dylan and let's say Max? And as it happens, we missed the Jackson flash, because we were talking, now that was my fault. Thankfully after four days of 'round the clock replay, my children have been able to see this naked strangers breast over and over again, giving me as a parent the opportunity to answer their questions. Questions like 'why do they keep on showing this? Daddy, is there anything else on?', and 'I'm hungry, I'm so hungry, why won't you feed us?'
By the way for any of you who are just joining us, we are discussing Janet Jackson's crime against humanity! Can we see it in black and white? (shows boob clip in black and white) Mmm...oh yeah....that's the stuff. Very dramatic--
Ed, Ed you poor fool! You naive sap! Where's my box! Can I get my box back please? Thank you! The media you love so dearly still has gaps in its coverage. They're letting non-Jackson related news get through! I heard today that we might of gone to war on false pretenses? I don't want to hear that! Someone's sending envelopes full of ricin to the U.S. Senate? That makes me sad! Go full frame. (shows boob clip in full frame) That's it! All better! Bad Boob Girl! BAD BOOB GIRL!
Stephen, these are news professionals! If they thought it needed to be on 24 hours a day, it would be on 24 hours a day! Let's take a look at it! (boob clip)
Ed...Ed...Just--OH LOOK! (points to his box). It's going fast now! Check it out! (Ed runs over to Stephen to look) That's so cool! (shows a clip of the truck on fire, and then shows a clip of Madonna kissing Britney Spears) OH MY BRITNEY! (shows another clip, then boob clip, and then that kid who got run over by a car trying to do a jackass stunt)
GUYS GUYS! YOU GOTTA STOP IT! GUYS YOU GOTTA COME BACK! COME ON!
(shows up in the box, Ed and Stephen get scared and repulsed)
Ed & Stephen:
Show us your boob!
Take it off!
That's enough! No more!! No more!!
Show us your nipple!
I don't wanna talk about it!
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