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Summer, 2004

With Jon Stewart and Ed Helms

Jon:

We are now joined with Ed Helms who actually attended the speech in question. Thank you very much for joining us. Now you were at the speech, first of all welcome back from New Mexico.

Ed:

Thank you, Jon. I'll tell 'ya, you can't beat that New Mexico weather in August...seriously, you can't.beat.it.it.will.defeat.you.

Jon:

Your thoughts on this idea of signing a loyalty oath into a politician's speech...

Ed:

Jon, the signing of this so-called "Loyalty Oath" turned the Vice President's public appearance into an event whose cost of admission was unconditional loyalty into the administration's own cynical P.R. game. A move I for one wholeheartedlysupport!

Jon:

I'm sorry, uh...the way you described actually made it sound like it was a bad thing that maybe the Republicans  have overstepped their boundaries.

Ed:

Indeed they have, Jon. They've turned the campaign whistle-stop into nightmarish Orwellian dystopia of forced conformity--a dystopia that has my complete and unreserved endorsement!

Jon:

They made you sign the oath, didn't they?

Ed:

...they had me by the balls, Jon. I had to get in, I couldn't cover the speech from the parking lot. Honestly, I can't even say I regret signing it.

Jon:

You can't?

Ed:

No. I had to sign a second oath swearing that I was glad I signed the first oath.

Jon:

Why do they do that? Wouldn't you rather have undecided voters at your event? That way you would have a chance to convince them?

Ed:

Jon, the purpose of a modern campaign is not to persuade . It's to be videotaped in front of a large group of people who are already persuaded. They love him, why don't I?. It's a time-tested strategy, Jon. Nothing convinces people like ... convinced people!

Jon:

And you support this?

Ed:

I support it  wholeheartedly!

Jon:

Ed, it was just a piece of paper....you signed it...

Ed:

JON! (voice breaks) They had my parents!

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