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Thursday, April 29, 2004

"It wasn't even 150 years ago when somebody just like you couldn't even go to the theatre without getting shot."

Two years ago, Ed Helms did his very first Daily Show Peice , and maybe its just me, but Ed looks different now than he did when he first started the show:

2002



2004


He looks a lot younger now. When he first started the show, it looked like the makeup lady put too much makeup on him or something.

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

"It Was Rank In There"

Stephen on Jimmy Kimmel last night:






Stephen showed Jimmy how they picked the clip to show:






...but when Jimmy asked for the clip, Stephen said that there was a glich and they couldn't show it.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Will He Wear The Yellow Jacket Again?

Stephen Colbert is going to be on Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight. Sorry for the short notice.

I don't think I'm going to be watching it though, I think I might go to bed instead.

*edit*

I made about four screen captures of it, and I'm putting them up when I get home tonight.

Former KSNW reporter now on Comedy Central

The Wichita Eagle | 04/25/2004 | Former KSNW reporter now on Comedy Central: "Former KSNW reporter now on Comedy Central


Bob Wiltfong, a former reporter at KSNW, Channel 3, is the newest correspondent on Comedy Central's 'The Daily Show With Jon Stewart.'
Wiltfong made his debut about two weeks ago on the Emmy Award-winning satirical news show, which airs at 10 p.m. Mon-day-Friday on cable Channel 58.
Preliminary reaction from national viewers on a Web site chat line is that he has an ultra-cool name. They also think he's pretty funny.
Wichita viewers might remember Wiltfong for his dust-up with school superintendent Winston Brooks, then district personnel director, over lack of background checks for school employees. The investigation uncovered a number with felony records and led to changes in how personnel are hired."

Misswit.net

Jon Stewart For President T-shirt

Monday, April 26, 2004

"It's My First Day"

Last night during that Comedy Central bash thing, they showed about three seconds of Jon's first Daily Show:








Michael J. Fox: Is this [cup] mine?
Jon: I don't know...its my first day.


Michael J. Fox:
I've been on Daily Show more times than YOU have!

Saturday, April 24, 2004

Straight To Book On Tape

I searched for Jon on amazon.com and this came up:

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Presents America (the Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction
by The Writers of the Daily Show, Jon Stewart (Reader)


Thursday, April 22, 2004

Stephen Colbert Reports : Martha Stewart Under The Linen

I can't believe nobody told me that the links to the March, 2004 screen captures were broken. Well, I fixed them.

Oh, I'm at school killing time, and I forgot I had made these non-TDS caps of Jon and put them on my Living Room w/out a TV site. I made these a long time ago.

As Shown On The USA Network



If there was ever a made for TV movie about Gray Davis, I think that former correspondent Vance DeGeneres could play the part of the ex-govenor. Sure, we'd have to find a way to get Vance's black hair to go gray temporary, but I think it could be done.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Me.



"Colin Powell has a hello kitty diary, Rob?"



- - - -





I know I didn't make up the Colin Powell GI Joe figure up. I remember seeing that on the clearance aisle at Toys R Us in the summer of 1993 and thinking how odd it was to see that at Toys R Us.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Matt Walsh As The Guy Who Left The Game Early

Former correspondent Matt Walsh is going to be on ESPN Classic's "Cheap Seats" Wed. @ 10:00.

Get Out The Black Plates And Baloons



because I think Stephen Colbert turned 40 today!



Monday, April 19, 2004

Who Knew Samantha Had Freckles?

"Is your ranch anywhere near the hidden valley?"

-Samantha Bee

Sunday, April 18, 2004

Evening of laughs showcases college groups, pro comedian Stephen Colbert of 'The Daily Show'

...hosts sixth annual festival

By Faatima Qureshi
April 15, 2004



Stephen Colbert of 'The Daily Show' eats matzah with 'Mel Gibson,' played by College senior Wes Mullen.
[Ryan Jones/The Daily Pennsylvanian]


The sixth annual Intercollegiate Comedy Festival, presented by Mask and Wig and the Social Planning and Events Committee, took place last night in a packed Irvine Auditorium.
Stephen Colbert, best known from his work as a correspondent on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, was greeted by cheers as he walked onstage. He immediately engaged the audience by conducting an Irvine-wide hum, and once the audience followed his command, he silenced them, saying, "And you wonder how Hitler took power?"

The show hosted four comedy groups, including University of Maryland's Sketchup, Princeton's Triangle Club, Yale's Fifth Humour and Penn's Mask and Wig Club.

Colbert set out to address the question, "Is Mel Gibson anti-Semitic?" He interviewed Gibson, played by Penn Mask and Wig member and College senior Wes Mullen, posing questions such as, "If a Jew stole your cab and threw a latke at you, would you hate him?" The response, "Hate is a very strong word," did not seem to satisfy Colbert, who then proceeded to interview Jesus.

Colbert also decided to poll "audience members" about "Mel Gibson," asking a posing Mask and Wig member to compare his butt to Gibson's. He then proceeded to drink from the member's flask of "mystery liquid," saying, "I probably shouldn't, but what the hell, it's Spring Fling!"

Friday, April 16, 2004

You can't possibly compare Shirley Partridge to The Virgin Mary.

I made transcripts today:

"The Gospel According To Keith" - January, 2000 (with Mo Rocca and Jon Stewart)

"Ashamed To Be Fake News" - March, 2004 (with Jon Stewart and Rob Corddry)

"My House" - September, 2000 (with Jon Stewart)

"A Rebuttal" - March 1, 2004 (with Jon Stewart)

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Dr. Phil's Going To Tell Jon He's A Bad Father

Remember, Jon's going to be on Oprah today.

Edit

I set the vcr wrong, and it recorded the wrong channel. So I missed it.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

"You See A Couple Of Bears, You Pick Them Up"


March, 2004 added

Monday, April 12, 2004

Mo's Book Be Droppin' Yo?*

*is that what the kids call it when a new album comes out? I don't know, I'm out of the loop.

Anyways, Mo Rocca has a book coming out in October.

[Mo Rocca he's a good thing website]


- - - -


The problem with the fonts is fixed. No more ugly default-y fonts.

Sunday, April 11, 2004

My Favorite Stephen Colbert Story (reprinted)

Think you've seen this before? It's because you have. Since my old blog was shut down, I'm in the process of reprinting some of my favorite entries.

“Cereal Killer”
Airdate : November 27, 2000

Some say that children are addicted to … Boo Berry. In the 1970’s, the loveable cereal mascot (with nipple piercings!) helped make a generation of children hooked to the ‘boo.


Just as the kids were hooked, General Mills curtailed production, with no warning at all. Stephen talks to a woman who drove 26,000 miles for the stuff! But she’s not alone. Stephen was contacted by a young man named Roger Barr who is also addicted to boo, so Stephen goes lurking around a park to look for him via surveillance camera:

”(sits next to him) are you the guy?”
”Excuse me? What guy? I’m not the guy.”
”The guy with the cereal Are you the guy with the cereal?”
Ok, wrong guy. Eventually, Stephen found him, but he wasn’t interesting. Basically, you can only get Boo Berry in certain areas. With everyone clamoring over it, why isn’t it available?

Stephen contacts General Mills, using the fake name “Dan Rather”, and he asks if Hayley Mills is there, but she isn’t, so he talks to whoever is there.
”Why isn’t boo berry readily available to the American public?”
But we never got that answer because Stephen had gotten addicted too…

Which meant only one question remained : is it really that hard to find? Stephen goes into a store walking like a robot with a tiny camera tucked in a hat.
but he’s become so delusional on the ‘boo, he thinks that deviled ham and Cooking wine was cereal…

He gets his answer:
"Do you have BOO BERRY cereal?""No.""Thank You."

Stephen’s work was done. Jon?

Other Favorite Correspondent Stories:
  • Ed Helms

  • Rob Corddry

  • Mo Rocca
  • Saturday, April 10, 2004

    "A Tip That Your Crotch Smells"

    'Remember that old Just A Tip website that sent people anonymous e-mail tips about something that was wrong with them? And that time Lord Viper Scorpion (the computer hacker character from 2000-2001) sent a e-mail to Jon saying that his crotch smelled? Well, the site is long gone (here's an archived version though) which is too bad, because I wanted to create one that sent anonymous e-mails to bloggers that spell Jon's name wrong.

    Ba-zing.

    Thursday, April 08, 2004

    "Letterman Gets Janet Jackson's Cleavage, I Get Your Stomach"

    Repeats April 12-15th, new shows on the 19th

    Uh...Queen Latifiah Oprah?

    I read that Jon is going to be on Oprah next Thursday. I know. Jon? Oprah? Dr. Phil?

    When Bradley Wallace Wants His Poland Spring, He Wants it Now*


    Ed was great on Cheap Seats [last night]. 'Played a guy named Bradley Wallace.
    *he didn't actually say that, I made that part up.

    Wednesday, April 07, 2004

    Everything You Ever Needed To Know About Bob Wiltfong

    Here (and that headshot on that link looks nothing like him, but nobody's headshots do)

    Tuesday, April 06, 2004

    "You Go Bastard, Go"



    List of TDS (past and present--mostly past) people I've seen on that 100 Outrageous moments On Vh1 already:

  • Ed Helms

  • Rachael Harris

  • Brian unger

  • Beth Littleford

  • Stacey Grenrock-Woods
  • Clip The Coupons. Have Sex.

    One disgruntled avid Al-Hausa reader's reaction to its closing:

    "Before they shut the paper down, my wife used to like Arts and Leisure, while I went straight for the magazine. The only thing I loved more than doing the crossword puzzle was actually finishing it! AYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


    - - - - -


    They used to run that New York Times ad all. the. time. when I first got Direct TV three years ago.

    Speaking of the New York Times, I was flipping through one of my old journals from my senior year of high school, and when I had nothing to do in yearbook class, I'd look through my yearbook teacher's cut up George Magazines, and I cut this out one time and stuck it in my journal:

    Troubled, Exasperated, and Overwhelmed By The Sheer Size Of The Sunday New York Times? Well, You're Not The Only One.

    When I was a single adult, which I no longer am, my idea of a perfect Sunday--a Sunday in paradist--was to wake up, go get the New York Times, have coffee, have sex, read a section, have sex, read another section, have more sex, and so on through the Week In Review, Arts & Leisue, the Book Review, section one, Metro Section, Sports, the Magazine, and if one was feelind adventurious (and amous enough) a quick look at Travel. Sunday really wasn't Sunday without the New York Times.

    -Larry Beinhart

    and that's all I have to that article.

    "Pull that out of your fingers, freakshow"

    Oh yeah, and Ed Helms is going to be on "Cheap Seats" on ESPN Classic Wednesday night @ 10:00 p.m. (eastern) 'Probably going to be in some sketch or something.

    Monday, April 05, 2004

    They Didn't Let His Ass Hit The Door On The Way Out



    I saw in the preview for tomorrow night's show that we're finally going to see Bob Wiltfong tomorrow. He looks familar, like he was in a Snickers ad a couple of years ago.

    Saturday, April 03, 2004

    September 14, 2000



    "Can you guess which one works on TV?"


    -Jon on two moderators in a debate between Hilary Clinton and Rick Lazio.


    Man, as an episode of Daily Show ages, the funnier it gets.

    Friday, April 02, 2004

    Palme D' Bitch Slap



    "I Give This Ad Three 'Daaaammmns!'"

    Thursday, April 01, 2004

    Winner Of The Most Cliche' Title For An Aritlce Ever.

    Jon Stewart: Who's Your Daddy?

    by Lia Haberman
    Apr 1, 2004, 11:30 AM PT

    This just in: Jon Stewart is gonna be a daddy.

    The 41-year-old funnyman and his missus, Tracey, are expecting their first child. No other details are available.


    Stewart's publicist wasn't available for confirmation at press time but fellow thesp and Daily Show guest Jennifer Beals let the baby news out of the bag Monday night when she congratulated Stewart on air--unaware that this wasn't public knowledge.

    A stunned Stewart, who starred with Beals in 1997's romantic comedy Wishful Thinking, accepted her best wishes and a chorus of "awwws" from the audience.

    The Daily Show host and his wife, a graphic designer, have been hitched since 2000.

    The timing works out well for the late night yakker and papa-to-be, who's suddenly facing 2 a.m. feedings and college tuition.

    Two weeks ago, Stewart agreed to a four-year contract extension at Comedy Central that will keep him anchoring the mock newscast through 2008.

    "A lot of people like to get out when their show's still going well," Stewart said in a statement. "This gives me the opportunity to beat this thing into the ground."

    For his efforts, Stewart's expected to receive a raise in his current $1.5 million salary.

    He took over the anchor desk in January 1999 from original host Craig Kilborn.

    Before joining The Daily Show, Stewart emceed the syndicated Jon Stewart Show, which originally aired on MTV, and was a fill-in host for The Late Late Show with Tom Snyder.

    He hosted the 2002 Grammy Awards and has also tried his hand at acting. Aside from a recurring role as Garry Shandling's scheming successor on HBO's The Larry Sanders Show, Stewart has appeared in such feature flicks as The First Wives Club, Playing by Heart, Death to Smoochy, Big Daddy and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.

    "Show us your nipple!"

    I added a new transcript today:

    " Opinion/Opinion That Is Different Than That Opinion " (February 5, 2004)