"I am Abe"
Airdate: April 29, 2002
In his first story, Ed
goes to for a Lincoln Convention to visit men with "Lincolntism"
(who are really Abraham Lincoln impersonators) Ed treats the men
like little kids with disabilities. But at the end Ed earns their trust
when he connects with them by asking if they are going to the ice cream
Memorable Quote: "It
wasn't even 150 years ago when somebody just like you couldn't even go to
the theatre without getting shot."
Airdate: May 2, 2002
Ed (who's "Host,
"The Daily Show's Scandals and Mysteries" - now cancelled )talks to Jon about
Robert Blake's recent arrest in the murder of his wife. He says that its
interesting because of "child stars gone bad". Jon explains that
Blake is 68 years old. Ed says that when Little Rascals ended Blake
snapped. Jon retorts back saying that Blake had more success in the "Baretta
Show" and that it doesn't fit the typical child star image. Ed says
it all goes bad someday. Ed mentions Ron Howard, and Jon asks what he's
done and Ed says that its what he's going to do soon ("the only thing that Opie will be skipping
across the pond is bodies! Mickey Rooney once ate a man, Jon!")
Airdate: June 13, 2002
Ed talks about the NBA
playoffs, and the Lakers winning. Ed wonders if these new Lakers can stand
up to the old Lakers of the 1980's. Jon says "Really!", and Ed
says "those other guys have to be what? Sixty-five, seventy?"
by a Scalpel"
Airdate: June 17, 2002
For as long as Ed can
remember, he has had a small bump on the side of his nose. His doctor
tells him that its a harmless mole. One of Ed's options is to get it
removed. He asks the doctor such questions as "How long is the
ordeal?" "Could I get a home nurse?" "Is the tube in my rectum uncomfortable?"
Ed breaks the news to a
"loved one", and decides to get the mole off. The night before
the procedure, he drinks a gallon of colon cleanser (or at least he tries)
The last we see Ed before his surgery, he's getting ready for bed which is
his Michelle from Full House doll. The morning of
the procedure, Ed gets an early start by leaving the house wearing nothing
but a hospital
gown (which got many "woos!" from male members of the audience) The viewers at home actually get to see
the mole being hacked off. At the end of
the story, Jon asks him how life is without the mole. Ed asks "What
do you mean, without the mole?", Jon asks the question again, and Ed
says that the mole is still with him, and he takes out a glass vase with a
very long sausage link in water. Jon asks "How is that your
mole" and Ed explains how mole's have roots, and Jon adlibs by saying
"I didn't know the roots were linked"