" Weakened Getaway " [re-aired]
re-air date: March 2,
See October, 2003 synopsis
"Auto Erotic Asphyxiation"
airdate : March 9,
Alabama, an ad with a sexy lady doing sexual things, and making sexual
innuendo with junkers in a junk yard (dry humping cars, making porn faces
next to the cars, asking greasy guys if there's a dipstick in their pocket
or are they just happy to see her, etc) has offended one person, and it
was pulled off a Fox Affiliate that shows family orientated shows such as
reality dating shows involving tiny people, and people running around in
bikinis, wanting to screw the first thing they see.
Ed also talks to a media watchdog (which by the way hates The Daily Show,
but still AGREED TO BE ON THE DAILY SHOW, so I stopped paying attention to
anything she had to say)
For an opinion on Fox's family programming, he talked to Glen Foster, star
of the reality show "The Littlest Groom", and he thought that
the ad was inappropriate that the ad was shown during shows such as his.
But Ed has an unrelated question to ask:
"Did you tap any of those hot models?"
Ed promises the Media Watchdog that he won't edit anything he says ... but
of course he tricked her. Upon watching herself on Daily Show (oh you know
she watched) she probably drug out her typewriter and started to write a
hate letter to Daily Show:
"Dear John* Stewart"
*yeah, I spelled it wrong on purpose. Most people who hate Daily Show
spell Jon's name wrong.
"The Race From The Whitehouse 2004 [clip show special]"
airdate : March 22,
Ed had a tiny role in this clip show special that showcased the Indecision
2004 coverage Daily Show has done so far. (Ed wasn't shown in any of the
clips]. Rob Corddry is telling the television audience about how he has to
hit the road and leave his wife, his kids, his girlfriend, his
girlfriend's kids, his other girlfriend, while he's packing up his bag
(you know packing up the things a correspondent needs such as snorkel
gear, a turkey baster, a flipper, etc) . As he is walking out the door, he
sees Ed and Ed notices that Rob has his snorkel in the bag that Rob stole
from him (and his pants!). Rob realizes that the gig is up, and he jumps out the window,
and since Ed didn't contribute anything to the special, he gets the privilege
to shoot Rob Corddry. Well, we don't know if Robbie lived or not because
the show went straight to a commercial.
"Digital Watch : High Definition Television "
airdate : March 22,
If you watch TV (and something tells me you do) then you've
probably been hearing a lot about High Definition - or - HDTV, and
wondering 'Hey man, what's the BFD on HDTV?' Well the maim selling point
is high resolution. Standard television signals carry 525 horizontal lines
per image, while High Definition signals (depending on format) 720 or 1080
almost as sharp as real life which, as you know is made out of 1,470 lines. Now,
you're probably wondering 'But Mr. Helms"---stop right there,
ok? Call me Ed. So you're wondering 'Ed, why does resolution matter?"
Well, first of all that's a stupid question, all you have to do is turn on
regular resolution, and try to figure out what the hell is going on. (shows
a clip from "Everybody Loves Raymond) I can't tell who loves
Raymond in this clip here. (shows a clip from "America's Top
Model") Are those even women even models, are they hot? (shows
a clip of that annoying Cujo guy) AHHH!!! WHAT'S THAT?! THAT CAN'T BE
RIGHT! So all you need to do is buy an HDTV set, and there's a wave of
choices out there. One popular choice is the Plasma TV. So called
because to afford one, you're going to have to sell your blood. Totally
kidding. In fact you can pick up a top of the line 61 inch Plasma screen
for just over twenty-one thousand dollars. Once you have your HDTV all you
have left to do is installation. Now, its a little intricate, so what you
need to do is call a licensed electrician over to come and demolish your
house. Then build a new house with the proper wiring in the walls. I can't
stress this enough. If you attempt to install an HDTV in a non-HDTV house
--- you may tear the fabric of the time space continuum. But hey! Your
house! Ok, sounds like a lot? Maybe a little HDTV demonstration will help
you. We have an HDTV camera right here. Chuck, can we do this? Alright,
let's see me in HDTV:
" Queer And Present Danger"
airdate : March 23,
When gay couples started to get marriage licenses this past winter,
a certain group of people were unconvinced : straight couples trying to
get marriage licenses.
couple was Dan & Joyce Furano (who talked to Ed on flannel Friday) who
had to take car pool to Oakland because there was too many
gay people at city hall (about 1800), so they couldn't get their marriage license
in San Francisco.
The other victim couple
showed up bright and early (about two hours before the wedding) and saw
that there were hundreds of gay people already ahead of them. A dramatic dramatization:
Woman : "Wow...there are so many gay people getting married
Is it fair to say that it was a circus like atmosphere?
Would you say that it was more circus Ole' (which to me is a gayer circus)
than Ringling Bros? In your opinion, are you victims of gay marriage?
Not at all.
Okay, do you think I think that you're victims of gay marriage?
The gay community has no remorse! Ed talks to a lesbian couple that says
that straight couples had unconvinced their selves due to poor
Don't straight people deserve speedy marriages? My first two marriages
were like BOOM!
Hmmm....you've been married five times?
So, after the wedding...
Big party! Two hundred people!
But after that...
Are you coming on to on us?!