Synopsis (March 2004)

" Weakened Getaway " [re-aired]
re-air date: March 2, 2004
See October, 2003 synopsis

"Auto Erotic Asphyxiation" 
airdate : March 9, 2004

In Alabama, an ad with a sexy lady doing sexual things, and making sexual innuendo with junkers in a junk yard (dry humping cars, making porn faces next to the cars, asking greasy guys if there's a dipstick in their pocket or are they just happy to see her, etc) has offended one person, and it was pulled off a Fox Affiliate that shows family orientated shows such as reality dating shows involving tiny people, and people running around in bikinis, wanting to screw the first thing they see. 

Ed also talks to a media watchdog (which by the way hates The Daily Show, but still AGREED TO BE ON THE DAILY SHOW, so I stopped paying attention to anything she had to say) 

For an opinion on Fox's family programming, he talked to Glen Foster, star of the reality show "The Littlest Groom", and he thought that the ad was inappropriate that the ad was shown during shows such as his. But Ed has an unrelated question to ask:
"Did you tap any of those hot models?"

Ed promises the Media Watchdog that he won't edit anything he says ... but of course he tricked her. Upon watching herself on Daily Show (oh you know she watched) she probably drug out her typewriter and started to write a hate letter to Daily Show:
"Dear John* Stewart"
*yeah, I spelled it wrong on purpose. Most people who hate Daily Show spell Jon's name wrong.

"The Race From The Whitehouse 2004 [clip show special]" 
airdate : March 22, 2004

Ed had a tiny role in this clip show special that showcased the Indecision 2004 coverage Daily Show has done so far. (Ed wasn't shown in any of the clips]. Rob Corddry is telling the television audience about how he has to hit the road and leave his wife, his kids, his girlfriend, his girlfriend's kids, his other girlfriend, while he's packing up his bag (you know packing up the things a correspondent needs such as snorkel gear, a turkey baster, a flipper, etc) . As he is walking out the door, he sees Ed and Ed notices that Rob has his snorkel in the bag that Rob stole from him (and his pants!). Rob realizes that the gig is up, and he jumps out the window, and since Ed didn't contribute anything to the special, he gets the privilege to shoot Rob Corddry. Well, we don't know if Robbie lived or not because the show went straight to a commercial.


"Digital Watch : High Definition Television " 
airdate : March 22, 2004

If you watch TV (and something tells me you do) then you've probably been hearing a lot about High Definition - or - HDTV, and wondering 'Hey man, what's the BFD on HDTV?' Well the maim selling point is high resolution. Standard television signals carry 525 horizontal lines per image, while High Definition signals (depending on format) 720 or 1080 lines! That's almost as sharp as real life which, as you know is made out of 1,470 lines. Now, you're probably wondering 'But Mr. Helms"---stop right there,  ok? Call me Ed. So you're wondering 'Ed, why does resolution matter?" Well, first of all that's a stupid question, all you have to do is turn on regular resolution, and try to figure out what the hell is going on. (shows a clip from "Everybody Loves Raymond) I can't tell who loves Raymond in this clip here. (shows a clip from "America's Top Model") Are those even women even models, are they hot? (shows a clip of that annoying Cujo guy) AHHH!!! WHAT'S THAT?! THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT! So all you need to do is buy an HDTV set, and there's a wave of choices out there. One popular choice is the Plasma TV. So called because to afford one, you're going to have to sell your blood. Totally kidding. In fact you can pick up a top of the line 61 inch Plasma screen for just over twenty-one thousand dollars. Once you have your HDTV all you have left to do is installation. Now, its a little intricate, so what you need to do is call a licensed electrician over to come and demolish your house. Then build a new house with the proper wiring in the walls. I can't stress this enough. If you attempt to install an HDTV in a non-HDTV house --- you may tear the fabric of the time space continuum. But hey! Your house! Ok, sounds like a lot? Maybe a little HDTV demonstration will help you. We have an HDTV camera right here. Chuck, can we do this? Alright, let's see me in HDTV:

" Queer And Present Danger" 
airdate : March 23, 2004

When gay couples started to get marriage licenses  this past winter, a certain group of people were unconvinced : straight couples trying to get marriage licenses. 

One couple was Dan & Joyce Furano (who talked to Ed on flannel Friday) who had to take car pool  to Oakland because there was too many gay people at city hall (about 1800), so they couldn't get their marriage license in San Francisco. 

The other victim couple showed up bright and early (about two hours before the wedding) and saw that there were hundreds of gay people already ahead of them. A dramatic dramatization:

Woman : "Wow...there are so many gay people getting married today."

Is it fair to say that it was a circus like atmosphere? 

Couple : 
At times.

Would you say that it was more circus Ole' (which to me is a gayer circus) than Ringling Bros? In your opinion, are you victims of gay marriage?

Not at all.

Okay, do you think I think that you're victims of gay marriage?

The gay community has no remorse! Ed talks to a lesbian couple that says that straight couples had unconvinced their selves due to poor planning. 

Don't straight people deserve speedy marriages? My first two marriages were like BOOM! 

Two marriages? 


Couple:'ve been married five times?


So, after the wedding...

Big party! Two hundred people! 

But after that...

Are you coming on to on us?!

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