October, 2000
With Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert
Jon Stewart:
Stephen, are you there with us?
Stephen Colbert:
Yes, Jon.
Jon:
There we go. I gotta say, I was impressed by the real people the vice president
mentioned. People who actually came to the debate to support Gore, those are
some real hard-luck cases. They really moved me.
Colbert:
Well, if those moved you, Jon, then get out your hankies Sir-Sobs-a-Lot, because
those were the winners of the audience. Gore's real supporters are the crème of
the crème of the bottom of the barrel. He didn't have time to tell you about a
Mr. Fineious Mufflin of Tatertot, Ohio. I met this man moments ago, and Jesus
Christ am I depressed! Though his spittle cloud, he told me with what I
assume was his mouth that he had to pay for his daughter's iron lung by selling
his own bones! The only way he could come to the debate was in a jello-mold
strapped to a tricycle peddled by his conjoined twin!
Jon:
Stephen, my god, that's uh...that's a horrible story.
Colbert:
Well, its a heapin' plate-full of heaven compared to the life of one Mrs. Lois
Loughin of Gangrene, Wisconsin. Jon, she's 134 and repulsive. And due to the
high cost of prescription drugs, she and her fifteen elderly grandchildren are forced
to live inside a hobo's asscrack.
Jon:
And she supports Gore?
Colbert:
I never found out, I had to get out of there.