Airdate: April, 2001
With Stephen Colbert (sub host) and Steve Carell
Trapped in the middle of this U.S./Chinese standoff, is the crew of the downed aircraft: 24 US Service Men and Women held prisoner until their country can negotiate their release. Senior Beijing Correspondent Steve Carell is live in our Beijing studios. Steve, this is a harrowing diplomatic situation, can you speculate on the treatment of the American Airmen?
Well, Stephen, it is now day three for the twenty-four crewmembers being held prisoner at the Chinese Air Force base by captors who are, and I'm speculating wildly here, gruber-masters of physical and physiological torture.
Do you believe the airmen are being tortured, and if so, could you describe various types of torture in great detail?
Yes, and yes. The man have been kept awake though most of their captivity, only allowed a few minutes sleep in-between line-ups involving verbal abuse, and it doesn't help matters that everyone is totally wasted.
Well, yes. But in these cases, prisoners are forced to drink a lot more than the captors. Usually a malt beverage of very low quality. Mind you, no amount of alcohol can soften the sting of the wooden paddle.
A paddle? I'm not familiar with that kind of technique.
I am, Stephen. The guards act like the spanking is fun, but its not. It's numbing, and it makes it really hard to carry a grape between your buttcheeks. Most don't make it all the way up to the attic. Those that do, can't rest the grape on the bottle.
Steve...Steve, that's terrfying.
Not as terrifying as making the next prisoner eat the grape, Stephen!! (gags) Excuse me, later on that same night, we, I'm sorry, they were dropped off at teh other end of the base nude! No problem! Everybody should be asleep! But the brothers told all the girls and they were waiting for us!
I had no idea it was that bad.
Bad?! I grabbed another man's penis, Stephen!! The guy behind me grabbed mine, and so on and so on, and we walked around in a circle for an HOUR!!! (screams) OH MY GOD!!! (falls on his knees, screaming) OH MY GOD!!!!
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