October 30, 2000 - Jon Stewart, Steve Carell, and Stephen Colbert

Jon:

Tragically lost in the hoopla of this years' election is Halloween which will be celebrated tomorrow evening. Here with their thoughts are Steve Carell and Stephen Colbert with Even Stepvhen.

Steve:
Halloween

Colbert:

No

Steve:
Yes!!!

Stephen:
Every year, the forces of darkness get a foothold in the minds of our children under the deceptive eyes of all hallows eve. Well, I say its time to just say no to pagan rituals that lead our youngsters to the pit of damnation and anyone who feels otherwise is a minion of the dark lord.

Steve:
Come on, Stephen! It's about kids dressing up one night a year ringing doorbells for treats, and when you don't get what you want you toilet paper the house, maybe soak some windows, or set a few fires, and then drop a cement filled pumpkin off the overpass onto the windshield of an oncoming car! Stephen, its about fun and its about frocking. It's about candy!

Colbert:
Well, not content with poisoning the minds of our babies, they also evidently want to pollute their bodies with refined sugar.

Steve:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second, Stephen. Surely as a child you indulged in the occasional snickers bar or peanut butter cup?
Colbert:
No, I ate carrot sticks and my parents gave out little bags of applesauce.

Steve:
Are you serious? Do you know what we used to do with people who gave out healthy snacks?
Colbert:
Yes, yes I did.

Steve:
Flaming bags of excriminent were thrown at their houses.

Colbert:
Do you know who had to clean that up the next day? When the neighborhood girls were walking to school, laughing at you, and going "there's stinky Steve!"

Steve:
Stephen, can I ask you something? Did you ever trick or treat as a kid?
Colbert:
That's not something my family did. They did not.

Steve:
I'm sorry.

(the audience goes awww...and someone goes "HA-HA!" like Nelson on The Simpsons)

That must of been very hard.

Colbert:

No, not at all.

Steve:
You know what? I have some treats here (audience goes "aww", same kid goes "HAHA") Got a little Halloween right here, huh?
Colbert:
No thanks.

Steve:
'Couple treats?
Colbert:

No, no thank you, they cause cavities.

(Steve starts to put the candy in front of Stephen)

Colbert:
What's that big one?
Steve:
You have good eye, my friend. This is would be a Butterfinger.

Colbert:
What do they do?

Steve:
Well, they crunch, and they get all chocolately on you.

Colbert:
Choco-

Steve:
Yeah! You want a Butterfinger?

Colbert:
No, no I don't, no thank you, no.

Steve:
Ring my doorbell!

Colbert:
I don't think so

Steve:
Ring it! Go ahead! Ding-dong! Oh! Who could that be? Clunk Clunk Clunk Clunk (makes door opening sound) Oh! Hey! How adorable! And who are you?
Colbert:
A correspondent.

Steve:
Ha-ha! A correspondent! And what a scary correspondent you are! What do you say?
Colbert:
I don't know.

Steve:
What do you say?
Colbert:
I don't know what to do (Starts "crying)
Steve:
Three little words. You know the words...go ahead! Say the words...

Colbert:
Tri-

Steve:
Trick...

Colbert:
Trick....

(Colbert really starts "Crying") Trick or Treat?
Steve:
YEAH! Oh! Halloween isn't until tomorrow! Bye!!

Colbert:
No! I want candy!!

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