Airdate: November 19, 2002
With: Ed Helms and some television advertisements.

Being a consumer is about freedom of choice. From the jeans we're told to sear, to the beverages we're told to drink. And when it comes to selling prescription drugs, today's savvy consumers are no longer willing to blindly guy whatever a doctor scribbles on a little piece of paper based on nothing more than his fancy knowledge and years of expertise in his chosen field. No, you should be able to decide what's right for you, and thanks to relaxed federal regulations, pharmaceutical corporations can now advertise directly to consumers. Freeing all of us to make our own informed drug choices:
Television ad:
Do you know the warning signs of osteoporosis?   
Why, no, I don't.
Television ad:
Unfortunately, there are none.
Ed: (freaking out)
Oh, my god! I have osteoporosis! (grabs a bottle of pills and shoves the pills down his throat)
Television ad:
Fosomax is for post-menopausal women.
Oh...(spits pills out) well, see, I didn't know that, before. And now, I'm motivated more to learn about this Fosomax which turns out may not be for me. (spits remaining pills out) But education only goes so far in persuading us to buy unfamiliar new medicines that we may not even need. The makers of pharmaceutical ads know that consumers need more than a drug that works, they need a drug that sounds like it works. 
Television ad #2:
Taking Plavix once a day...
Television ad #3:
Today's purple pill called Nexium
Television ad #4:
Ditropan XL
Wow! Plavix, Nexium, Ditropan XL? With names that rapulent, who wouldn't' quioux (sp?) them? Ultimately, effective pharmaceutical advertisements comes down to one word:
Television ad #5:
Side effects may include:
Television ad #6:
(two more ad clips are shown stating the same thing: Diarrhea...)
No, but that is a strikingly common side effect. The word is info-mor-ation. You see, with all the attention paid to the fancy names and appealing colors, you can't forget that people want to know just what a drug does.
Television ad #7:
(A Celebrex ad showing Santa Claus playing golf in someone's living room is shown)
Finally! A prescription medication that makes Santa Claus dance when he plays golf! Now if they would only make a drug for low self-esteem. Eh, that's a stupid idea...stupid...what a stupid idea....
(Ending credits outtake)
Ed: (yelling)
What a stupid idea!!! I'm so stupid!!! God, I'm so stupid!! You are an idiot!!! You're stupid!! (calms down) Jon?

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