(April, 2001)
With Jon Stewart, Nancy Walls, Steve Carell, and Stephen Colbert

Jon:
Now it would be all too easy to put the Jackass incident in its proper limited contest. But as journalists, we have to blow this issue out of proportion. In that spirit, we've assembled a pane of experts to discuss the situation. Here in the studio by me, I'm joined by Nancy Walls, Founder Of Pregnant Citizens For The First Amendment.

Nancy:
Jon...

Jon:
In Washington, From Media Watchdog, the media watchdog associates, is Media Watchdog, Steve Carell.

Steve:
Hello (growls like a dog)

Jon:
And from Poughkeepsie, New York, Vassar College Institute Marshall McCullen Professor Of Broadcast Media Culture, Stephen Colbert.

Stephen:
Great to be back, Jon.

Jon:
Thank you, Stephen. Let's start with Nancy. Nancy?

Steve:
Uh...can I just interrupt here, Jon?

Jon:
Yes, Steve Carell?

Steve:
Just wanted to interrupt.

Jon:
Nancy, what is your organization's stance on the Jackass incident?

Nancy:
Jon, as a pregnant citizen, I have to say that this is a simple first amendment issue. Our constitution guarantees the right to free, creative expression. Now, I'm not familiar with this particular program, or the MTV, or the medium of television, but I'm not here to know anything about it. I'm here to defend it.

Steve:
Oh, come on, Nancy! Jackass has no place on our nation's airwaves. Look, we are all sorry you're pregnant! But that doesn't give you the right to endanger everyone else's children by supporting this televised filth! If I want to watch someone get a port-a-potty spilled on them, I'll set up a full-length mirror outside a port-a-potty, and spill it on myself using an elaborate system of ropes and pulleys!

Jon:
Thank you very much, Steve.

Steve:
I swear to god I will do it!

Colbert:
Jon, I'm sitting here listening to my colleagues, and can't help but feel slightly bemused. They're discussing this issue using words, but what we're talking about here are images. Roll it. 
(shows clip of boy getting hit by car a-la Jackass)
This footage is an obscene, almost pornographic moment in the anals of American media. Let's see it again.
(clip is shown again)
I can not believe the media is showing this again and again. One more time.
(clip is shown again)
It is time the media took some responsibility before they run over society. Like this:
(shows clip again)

Nancy:
Stephen, society actually deceives a Darwinian benefit from shows like Jackass. It gives us the weak, the stupid, and the unable to leap over speeding automobiles.

Jon:
Well, Nancy, you're pregnant, what would you do if Jackass influenced your child?

Nancy:
First of all, we don't know that this is my child. And what happens to it when it comes out of my womb is none of my damn business! It's a matter of natural selection, and individual liberties.

Steve:
I cannot believe what I'm hearing, Nancy. you think Jackass only affects the weak and stupid? Look at this! Mace! (sprays it in his face). AAAAHHHH!!! See what this show is doing?!? OOOOHHHHHHH!!

Stephen:
Steve...Steve...I've heard this all before, Steve. You got it completely wrong. It is not the shows that are responsible! It's the media that awards these attention-seekers by continually rolling the clip. Roll the clip.
(clip is shown again)
Now what did that accomplish? The only thing more perverse than showing this footage is to show it in slow motion with music.
(clip is shown again with merry go-round music played in the background)
Shame on us, Jon. Shame on us.

Jon:
Alright. Thank you, Stephen Colbert. It's time to wrap up. Nancy Walls, final thoughts?

Nancy:
Children are weak. Let's hit them with cars.

Jon:
Steve?

Steve:
(snorts from the mace) That show is very persuasive! 

Jon:
Stephen Colbert?

Stephen:
Jon...(shows clip for the final time) Jon?

Previous Transcript - List of Transcripts - Next Transcript