Airdate: May 17, 2001

With Jon Stewart and Vance DeGeneres

You would think this was a normal episode of Daily Show with a normal "Women's Health With Vance DeGeneres" about the early stages of pregnancy, but you realize near the end that its not:
Jon: What do you have for us next time?
Vance: Well, sadly Jon, this is my last segment. I'm off to Academia. But, I'm still happy to answer your questions, just write to:

Or, simply e-mail me at femprof@womyn4womyn.com. 
Jon: Thank you very much, Vance. Uh...that is important work. I just want to mention that Vance is leaving our program. Tonight is his last night, Vance, um...wow, I don't know what to say.
Vance: Well, uh...I just want to say that I'm really going to miss everybody.
Jon: Aren't you, uh...forgetting something?
Vance: Ok...(gets a bottle that's in a paper bag) Malt liquor?
Jon: No, that's not it. That's not what I meant, Vance.
Vance: (sighs) Okay...here's my badge (takes badge out of pocket, and puts it on desk), here's my gun (takes gun out of pocket and puts it on desk)
Jon: Standard issue to all Daily Show correspondents. Isn't there something else you're forgetting?
Vance: Brass knuckles. (puts them on desk)
Jon: And?
Vance: Knife (takes knife out of desk)
Jon: And?
Vance: (goes under desk) Bomb. (puts "bomb" on desk)
Jon: Thank you, Vance.
Vance: You're welcome. Um...Jon, I do want to say that in all honestly, its been a tremendous two-and-a-half years here on the show as a correspondent, and as your personal valet. You know, I really consider myself lucky to have been associated with the show, and to work with all the talented people here, and I really am going to miss everybody.
Jon: Vance, we will really miss you, and you were a joy to work with. We've enjoyed it very much. Take care of yourself out there. Vance DeGeneres, everybody! We'll be right back!

Previous Transcript - List of Transcripts - Next Transcript