January of February,2002
With Jon Stewart and Mo Rocca
Jon:
We turn to senior aviation expert Mo Rocca. Mo, thank you for joining us.
Mo:
Jon, make no mistake. High school dropouts are the very people we need to keep
our skies safe when Joe Terrorist passes his bags though the x-ray machine at
Freedom International. You do not want the people looking at it to be distracted
with thoughts of books, or numbers, or health insurance. You want them focused
on that bag. Picture this horrific scene : a man comes along with suspicious
looking shoes. The high school graduate working in security says to himself
'those shoes look phony. Which is what Holden Calfuield called his older
brother's friends in J.D. Salinger's The Catcher In The Rye. (shows
the book). Jon, by that time, the terrorist is on board.
Jon:
Mo, don't you think that the majority of people would be more comfortable with a
better educated screener?
Mo:
Better educated? Jon, let me show you two pictures. These are the guys at
Chompsky's (sp?) Scrap Yard. And these are the Yale Wiffenpoofs. You tell me who
you want working at the departure gate at O'Hare. I don't want any 'Poofs there.
Jon:
(mutters) Don't ask, don't tell....it surprises me, Mo that after
everything that's happened the department of transportation had decided not to
raise airport screeners standards.
Mo:
They shouldn't raise them, Jon; that's the point. If anything, the standards
should be lowered. I'll tell you who would be great at airport security: carnie
folk. I know many of them. Most of these people seems as though they didn't go
to school at all. But let me tell you, when they say, 'you must be this tall to
ride', they mean it.
Jon:
Would a carnie person be qualified enough to judge whether a passport is real or
forged? Or...?
Mo:
I don't know...you think Einstein could?
Jon:
...probably...
Mo:
Well, he was a high school dropout. And so was noted economist John Walberg (?).
Jon:
Really?
Mo:
NO!! Who's smart now high school graduate? I would not want you as
my last line of defense! (Mo starts to prattle on about being underwhelmed by
Jon's stupidity)
Jon:
I know you're underwhelmed, but Mo, listen to this. High school dropouts running
our airport security?
Mo:
Jon, let me put it to you this way. You know who I'm talking about, you know
these people. Would you rather have them on the plane with you?